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ISLAMABAD, Pakistan
In a bizarre case, forensics investigators have joined forces with the World Health Organization to try and uncover the exact cause of a peculiar malady attacking otherwise healthy young men in and around Pakistan. In what were originally thought to be murderous acts of terrorism, further investigation has shown the more likely cause of death in these individuals to be a highly evolved strain of Avian Flu, called the "YUNU2 Virus".
"When we first started finding these young men, we were convinced they had died at the hands of vicious murderers." reported Ahmed-Al Jarawheezy of the Pakistani Police Departments' special investigative team. "We found only their torsos… their heads were nowhere to be located! Our examination established that each of them were previously in the company of members of the organization Hamas. Well, when you put two and two together as they say, you have sixteen!
In a bizarre case, forensics investigators have joined forces with the World Health Organization to try and uncover the exact cause of a peculiar malady attacking otherwise healthy young men in and around Pakistan. In what were originally thought to be murderous acts of terrorism, further investigation has shown the more likely cause of death in these individuals to be a highly evolved strain of Avian Flu, called the "YUNU2 Virus".
"When we first started finding these young men, we were convinced they had died at the hands of vicious murderers." reported Ahmed-Al Jarawheezy of the Pakistani Police Departments' special investigative team. "We found only their torsos… their heads were nowhere to be located! Our examination established that each of them were previously in the company of members of the organization Hamas. Well, when you put two and two together as they say, you have sixteen!
Gordon Greene - June 8, 2009
Religion of Pieces
(Move it along... nothin' to see here.)
(Move it along... nothin' to see here.)
Members of Hamas are, as everyone knows followers of Islam." Jarawheezy continued. "And being associated with such a peaceful religion it was determined these men could not have possibly been murdered!" That's when Jarawheezy's deparment brought in the World Health Organization to see if they could get to the bottom of an unfortunate situation.
What W.H.O. did find, is that these men were all victims of the YUNU2 Virus, which causes the head to fully separate from the torso. But why weren't the heads found with the bodies? Well; once the men's heads were traced to a spot just outside the town of Dera Ismail Khan, that question was easy to answer. "It is not unusual" said Jarawheezy, "for the buzzards in Pakistan to pick up icky dead things and carry them to other towns for later consumption. Through careful examination and advanced forensic techniques, we have proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that this is precisely what happened to these men so, as a result we have closed the investigation."
What W.H.O. did find, is that these men were all victims of the YUNU2 Virus, which causes the head to fully separate from the torso. But why weren't the heads found with the bodies? Well; once the men's heads were traced to a spot just outside the town of Dera Ismail Khan, that question was easy to answer. "It is not unusual" said Jarawheezy, "for the buzzards in Pakistan to pick up icky dead things and carry them to other towns for later consumption. Through careful examination and advanced forensic techniques, we have proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that this is precisely what happened to these men so, as a result we have closed the investigation."
Telling All The Lies the
Big Boys Won't!
Big Boys Won't!
If we don't make it up...
Who will?
Who will?
ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO BE TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT
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